Getting Past the Stuck Places

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– By Philip Humbert

Recently, I've been noticing how many conversations I have with folks who are "stuck." They are not failures in any sense of the word. They live healthy, productive lives with many successes to their credit. But they are also "treading water," "marking time," or "settling" for less than they desire. They are "trying," but are not making much progress toward their next goal or toward fulfilling their deepest desires.

We all experience this at times. Sometimes, after completing a major project we want to rest, enjoy the new level of success and catch our breath before moving on. Or, sometimes we aren't sure how to proceed and have to wait and ponder and get a new plan. There are many reasons to "pause," and that's often a good thing, but it is very different than being "stuck."

Being "stuck" is no good. It's frustrating, it's irritating, and it undermines our integrity, our self-worth, and our confidence. And, for some people, being stuck seems to be a lifestyle. They set unrealistic goals, or create roadblocks and delays, or have excuses, that prevent them from ever achieving, having, or enjoying the things they say they want in life.

For those people, I have no real solutions. If you wish to stay stuck, for whatever reason, that is your right.

But for folks who are determined to make progress, to get past the "stuck places," there are a few strategies that have seemed helpful, and I offer them with respect. We are all different, and we get stuck for different reasons, and we need strategies that fit our values and our situations, but here are some you may find useful:

1. Be honest about being stuck and get really frustrated about it! Say it out loud. Admit your situation to yourself, and get angry. Being stuck is no good and when you get clear enough, and frustrated enough, your brain will find a solution. Be clear that you will NOT stay stuck, and be DETERMINED to find a solution. Sometimes, healthy anger is a great motivator.

2. Get creative. List 20 crazy, insane, silly and original ways to move forward. Give yourself permission to brainstorm, to "mindmap,” or to simply do the opposite of what you've been trying. Shake loose, break the mold, or to use that old phrase, "think outside the box.” If you are stuck, get past it!

3. Do research. Other folks have achieved what you want to achieve, they found solutions and made it happen. Learn from them. Ask questions. Read the books. Attend seminars, take classes, call an expert, hire a coach, but find out how other people have succeeded and do what they did.

4. Question your intentions. Why are you stuck? Do you really want what you say you want? Really? Is there someone you love or whose opinion you value who disagrees with your goal? Are you sabotaging yourself because of ambivalence, confusion, or because you goal conflicts with your values? If so, resolve this first, then clarify your new goals and move forward.

5. Baby steps are OK. This is my personal favorite. When I'm stuck on something I truly want, I often give myself permission to make the smallest, simplest, crudest steps forward. I love BIG solutions and instant answers, but sometimes, on some issues, I have to settle for small, incremental progress. Sometimes, we have to trust that "inch by inch, anything's a cinch" and just creep forward until we find a way to make those giant leaps.

The key is to never stop moving. Too often, we confuse "trying,” or worrying, or talking or dreaming with actual movement. Those things do not take us forward. They actually undermine our progress and make us feel like victims.

If you have a dream, a goal or project, and if you really want to achieve it, find a way. There's a wonderful quote from Hannibal, "We will find a way, or make one." Take baby steps if you must. Ask for help, try a different way, hire a coach, but never, never, never settle for the status quo. Giving up, giving in, settling and sighing with regret are the only failures. Everything else is success-in-the-making.

Go for it!

© Copyright 2000 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved.

About the Author:

By Dr Philip E. Humbert, author, speaker and personal success coach. Dr Humbert has hundreds of tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use for your own success! It's a great resource! Visit him on the web at: http://www.philiphumbert.com. And, be sure to sign up for his great newsletter!