Fostering The Good Within

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Self Respect

As youngsters, we learned that one aspect of harmony stems from respecting those around us. Comprehending the value of respect and the behaviors worthy of respect, in turn, prepared us to develop a sense of respect for ourselves. Self-respect is a unique trait because forging it does not require that we compare ourselves to others and it peacefully coexists with failure. While it can be simply described as liking yourself the way you are, the conditions behind that sense of like are complex. Self-respect is a product of your esteem for yourself and your respect for others. It is an amalgamation of self-love, confidence, independence, courage, and responsibility. The Chinese character for "self-respect" means "respecting your own." Where self-esteem fails us, self-respect is there to help us maintain crucial peace of mind.

People with strong feelings of respect for their minds and bodies typically avoid situations that are potentially harmful and they don't compromise their own beliefs or put themselves down to please others. They accept their identities, such as businesswoman, father, or baker, without feeling pressured to become anxious over what they are not. Self-respect means being able to take responsibility for one's own actions, accepting the consequences without worrying about the opinions of others. Self-respecting people have the courage to fix their mistakes. There can be pride in self-respect, in taking satisfaction in positive accomplishments and honorable behaviors. It is a form of contentment, yet one that strives always to reach new heights of goodness, self-control, and caring.

People with self-respect tend to encourage self-respect in others by reminding them that everyone has value and everyone is deserving of acceptance. But self-respect is not something taken from others. It is a wonderful feeling that comes to us when we begin to realize the good within ourselves.

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I Hope You Dance

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- This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.

Dear Bertha,

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.

I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
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If you received this, it is because someone cares for you. If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn't do the little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? I can tell you it certainly won't be the last.

Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you're thinking of them.

"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there."

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

MASTER LIFE, DON'T LET IT MASTER YOU

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Some people are successful in mastering life, while others permit life to master them.

There is a split in you that is very clear. There is a part of you that knows what you should do, and a part of you that does what it feels like doing. Don't let passion drive you, let reason hold the reins.

Once you understand these opposing forces warring within you, with this knowledge of the truth: you no longer remain a slave. A clear understanding will make you the master of your life.

Resistance is your thoughts transformed into feelings. Change the thoughts that creates the resistance, and there is no more resistance.

Are you controlled by your thoughts or are you controlling your thoughts? If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.

If you are ruled by your mind you are a king, if by your body, a slave.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Challenging Perspective

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Good Stress Vs. Bad Stress

In recent years, stress has gotten a very bad name, but studies show that some stress is good for us, increasing our immune systems' capabilities and sharpening our intelligence. Bad stress, on the other hand, has the opposite effect, weakening our immune systems and causing us to feel mentally confused and disoriented.

Good stress tends to inspire us to rise to a challenge, so that we discover and experience more of our potential. After encounters with good stress, we generally feel stronger and more confident, knowing that we have what it takes to pass the tests and surmount the obstacles that life inevitably throws our way. Exposure to bad stress, however, leaves us feeling depleted and anxious. Noticing how you feel is a good way to determine what kind of stress you are experiencing at any given time.

The difference between good and bad stress can sometimes lie in our attitude. If you doubt yourself and habitually employ the mantra, "I can't handle this," every time life throws you a curve ball, you may be turning good stress into bad stress. When stressful situations come your way, take a deep breath and say, "I can handle this." It's hard to believe that such a simple change can make a difference, but it really can. Expressing confidence in yourself often gives you the power to turn a crisis into a confidence-building challenge. However, if you find that you truly are too depleted to face the challenges that come your way, you owe it to yourself to consciously eliminate as much of the stress in your life as possible. Take time to restore and make any necessary changes to your lifestyle.

Different people have different levels of tolerance for stress. Some people actively seek out adrenalin-inducing activities in their spare time. Other people find daily life stressful enough that they spend their downtime resting and restoring themselves. Know yourself and adjust your stress factor accordingly.

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The Forgotten Art of Listening

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– By Ed Brodow

I was having lunch at a bistro in St. Paul de Vence, a picturesque hill town in the south of France. In my fractured French, I tried to order a bottle of beer.

"Je voudrais une bouteille de biere, sil vous plait." I would like a bottle of beer, I told the waitress.

"In a can," she replied. "Non," said I, "En bouteille!" In a bottle. With her hands on her hips and a sneer on her face, she repeated, "In a can!"

Nöw I was really getting mad. "Not in a can," I insisted. "In a bottle. En bouteille. EN BOUTEILLE!"

She threw her hands up in despair. "Monsieur, IN A CAN!"

"All right," I said. "Have it your way. Give it to me in a can. Anything. Just give me a beer!"

She stormed off and returned with a bottle of Heineken. Heineken, when you say it in French, loses the "H" and sounds like, "In a can." I practically fell off my chair, I was laughing so hard. She thought I was nuts.

The point of the story is exactly what I stress in my negotiation presentations. We hear mostly what we want to hear, not what the other person is trying to communicate to us. Many conflicts can be resolved easily if we learn how to listen.

* The Catch *

The catch is that listening is the forgotten art. We are so busy making sure that people hear what we have to say that we forget to listen.

The first indication I had that my education had a hole in it occurred in the Marine Corps. A kindly colonel gave me a bit of advice. "Lieutenant," he said, "you need to learn how to listen." "What?" I replied. Obviously it was going to take more than his counsel to get the point across.

Luckily for me, my next escapade was tailor made. Dun & Bradstreet hired me as a sälesman in an enterprise based upon a new technology called data processing. D&B had just computerized its entire data base of credït information on millïons of companies and was nöw selling information for marketing purposes.

For example, if your company sold ice to Eskimos, D&B could give you a printout of all the Eskimo companies in your market area, with pertinent information such as the number of Eskimos in each company and the names of key decision-making Eskimos. This was cutting-edge stuff back in 1968.

Well, my säles territory was the Canal Street area in New York -- the armpit of Manhattan Island. This was the toughest place to try selling door-to-door, which is what I was being under-païd to do. I learned very quickly that the key to success in selling -- as it is in negotiating -- is keeping your mouth shut and listening to what people have to say.

I discovered that my säles prospects would tell me everything I needed to know in order to make the sale -- if I just kept my mouth shut long enough. If I tried to make a flowery presentation, I would be thrown out. But if I let them tell me what their problems were, they would buy anything from me -- even ice.

* Staying In Shape *

It turns out that listening is not a difficult art to master. In fact, it's quite simple. It's similar to what I go through in order to keep physically fit. The easy part of staying in shape is doing all the exercises. The hard part is getting to the gym on a regular basis. The excuses I come up with for not going are amazing. Once I get to the health club, I'm home frëe.

Learning to listen is the same. The hard part -- the equivalent of "getting to the gym" -- is shutting up. If you can train yourself to keep your mouth shut most of the time, you will be a great listener and a great negotiator.

* Listening Tips *

Herë are some suggestions for developing your listening skills:

-- Develop the desire to listen.

You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunïty, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn't create desire, I don't know what will.

-- Always let the other person do most of the talking.

This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.

-- Don't interrupt.

There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn't, so don't. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.

-- Learn active listening.

It's not enough that you're listening to someone -- you want to be sure that they know you're listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you're hearing their every word.

-- Ask for clarification if needed.

This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.

-- Get used to 'listening' for nonverbal messages -- body language.

The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.

-- Ask a questïon...then shut up.

This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer -- Barbara Walters! She listens and questïons -- so should you.

* Tips For Asking Questïons *

Once you have learned how to keep yourself from speaking, the art of asking questïons is the shortcut to effective listening. Herë are some tips for asking questïons:

-- Ask open-ended questïons.

Questïons that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. "How could we do this?" "What do you think?" Your objective is to get them to talk as much as possible.

-- Don't ask questïons that put them on the defensive.

For example, "Why?" is intimidating. Don't ask "why?" Ask "how come?"

-- Ask "What if?"

What if we did it this way?

-- Ask for their advice.

"What would you suggest we do to resolve this?" Everyone loves to be asked for advice.

-- Offer alternatives.

"Which way would you prefer?" This demonstrates your respect for the other person.

-- Ask about their feelings.

"How do you feel about this?" People love to have their feelings validated.

-- Repeat back what they said.

"Let me be sure I understand what you're saying. You're saying that...?" This technique will prevent misunderstandings and convince them that you really are listening.

* Being A Detective *

Well, there it is. Nöw all you need to do is practice. If you want to watch a role model for all of this, turn on a rerun of a Columbo episode. He's my role-model. I advise all my negotiators to think of themselves as detectives.

One more thing. If you get to St. Paul de Vence, do me a favor. Don't be an ugly American. Take whatever they give you.

About the Author:

Ed Brodow is a motivational speaker, negotiation guru on PBS, and author of “Negotiate with Confidence and Beating the Success Trap.” For more information on his keynotes and seminars, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com, and visit http://www.brodow.com

YOU CAN SEE THE FUTURE WITH A VISION

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Study your present situation thoroughly. Go over in your imagination the various courses of action possible to you. Visualize the consequences which can follow from each course. Pick out the course which gives you the most promise and go ahead.

Many successful people use this skill of mental visualization. They mentally run through important events before they happen.

Picture yourself in your minds eye as already having achieved your goal. See yourself doing the things you'll be doing when you've reached your goal. You can put your subconscious to work toward making your mental pictures come true. Go over your day in your imagination before you begin it. You can begin acting successfully at any moment.

See the things you want as already yours. Think of them as yours, as already in your possession. You can live your dreams if you pursue them.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Anatomy Of A Flower

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Being Part Of The Whole

As with all living things, a flower's intention is procreation. All the various parts of a flower work together toward this purpose, and each plays an essential role in the process. The vivid, delicate petals attract pollinators (birds and bees) who aid in the transfer of pollen. The center is the source and inspiration for the visually stunning petals and the petals, in turn, attract what the flower needs to create seeds and multiply.

When you have an opportunity to serve something larger than your individual self, you are like a petal on a flower, offering your particular brand of beauty and charisma in the service of a centralizing force. This centralizing force might be a person with a higher vision, a community with a common goal, or a spiritual path. Contemplate the ways in which you are a petal on a flower in your life. Who or what is at the center? What core values are you serving?

Consider also any situations in which you are the center of the flower, offering the nourishing seeds of an idea or quality that others are willing to gather around and perpetuate. It takes confidence and vision to be the nucleus. It also takes humility to empower the "petals" around you helping to feed your vision and enabling it to grow beyond you.

Like the parts of a flower, we are all here working together to create and be creative. Whether we are the center or the petal, it helps to be conscious of the seeds we are sowing in the world, as this is how we create the future.

In essence, we are all petals radiating outward from the unified source of energy that is life. Our time on this earthly plane is finite and fragile, and yet we branch out from our invisible source vibrantly and powerfully, attracting energy and making fertile connections that contribute to the continuation of life itself.

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Four Steps for a Wonderful Attitude

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– By Tracy Brinkmann © 2005

Everyday we have unexpected events happen to us. We plan down to the slightest detail and BAM something comes along and throws a major wrench into the machine. However, it is not what happens to you at times like this – it is how you react to what happens to you. In this article, I want to share a few ways to keep you acting and thinking both creatively and positively. Thus keeping your attitude at its very best under all those circumstances that will be thrust upon you repeatedly.

* Concentrate on the good

If there was a belief store, where you could go and purchase a belief – then the belief that I would have everyone purchase is the success belief; the belief that everything that happens to you will bring you closer to your desired success or goal. This belief would enable you to search for and find the good in every situation. As hard as it may be at times – there is always a good to be had in every single situation that you live through. Whether it is a lesson learned – experience gained or new contact made – somewhere in there is a good to be had. Find it and your attitude will take a positive direction.

* Seek out the valuable lesson

Much like concentrating on the good – if you seek out the valuable lesson then the situation, circumstance or pitfall takes a completely new meaning. You will begin to realize that whatever situation you are facing right nöw needed to be faced in order to learn the lesson. Nöw take that lesson and integrate it into your goals and plans for the future. Take that lesson learned and use it to TAKE ACTION towards your success!

* Concentrate on the solution

Whenever a difficulty rears its ugly head, quickly concentrate on the solution rather than focusing on the problem. Spending your time rehashing, reliving and reflecting on the problem will quickly eat away at your positive attitude. Instead, concentrate on the solution to the obstacle, task or setback that lies in front of you. Break it down into manageable steps, plan and solve for each of the steps – then TAKE ACTION. The moment you begin thinking and planning in terms of solutions, you become more positive and more constructive.

* Concentrate on the future

Whatever challenges stand before you, focus on the future rather than the past. You can not change the past so instead of worrying about whom did what to whom and why he is to blame, focus on where you desire to be and how you can get there from herë. Concentrate on the vision of your future. How you want it to be, how you want it to look. Lay it all out then take action towards making your future become a reality today. Keep your mind focused on your future vision and you will take actions that are more positive each day.

* Think as successful people think

Successful people know that a positive mental attitude is an indispensable tool. You too can be as positive as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about the future. If you think as successful people think, using your mind to exert mental control over the situation, you will be positive and in good spirits a majority of the time. Moreover, you will receive the rewards that come with such a positive mental attitude, as all success people have learned.

* Time to Take Action!

First – concentrate on the good and seek the valuable lesson in every snag. Start a journal or make a list of every idea and insight you can gain from your setbacks and difficulties.

Second – become solution-oriented with every difficulty you encounter. Make it a habit to look for the answers to your questïons as well as the solutions to your problems. Seek out the assistance of a mentor or coach along your road to success.

Third, think on paper. Take the time to write out every detail of the situation, and then brainstorm solutions. Plan the most logical next steps then TAKE ACTION to get through the obstacle.

Think Successfully and Take Action!

- Tracy Brinkmann

About the Author:

Success Atlas & Tracy Brinkmann provide 1-on-1 or Group Coaching, along with motivational and educational materials spiced up with humor and entertainment. Informing, educating and listening to keynotes does not have to be boring! We will put every effort to see to it that it is not. http://www.SuccessAtlas.com

SUCCESS IS DETERMINED ON THE DRAWING BOARD

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Your goals can only be reached through the vehicle of a plan. One in which you fervently believe, and upon which you will vigorously act. There is no other route to success.

Having an intelligent plan is your first step to attaining success. With a plan, you know where you're going. You'll know what progress you're making. And you'll have a pretty good idea of when you can expect to arrive. Meticulous planning will enable everything you do to appear spontaneous to other people.

What do you want to achieve or avoid? The answers to these questions are your objectives. How do you go about achieving your desired results? The answer to this will be your strategy.

A good plan permits you to frame your life so that at some time in the future fact and your dreams will meet. A good system shortens the road to a goal.

©2005 by Max Steingart

You Are What You Speak

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Power Of Words

Words have power. Despite reassurances of the old childhood rhyme, "sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt you," we all know words can hurt. Hopefully, most of us try to refrain from saying hurtful things, but we can take a step further on the path to enlightment by being conscious of all the words we use. To become conscious of one's speech means to become aware of the power of words and the energy behind them.

Speaking consciously is very effective in bringing about positive change. You can actually change your life for the better, by being more aware of the things you say. For instance, if you're constantly putting yourself down, "I'm fat, clumsy, unpopular, etc." then you will no doubt feel as such. However, if you stroke yourself with positive affirmations, "I'm fit, athletic, friendly..." you will feel more positive about yourself to aspire to such admirable qualities.

Having a positive attitude and being aware of our words is equally important when speaking to others. Everyone knows how draining it is to be around people who complain,or gossip all the time. However, we are drawn like magnets to cheerful people who are free with compliments or make us laugh.

Be conscious of your words and your intentions in speaking. Speak truthfully, so that you truly mean and feel what you say. Try to be fully aware of those that you are speaking to and the effect of your words on them, this way you will be less likely to speak negatively.

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TEACHER---HE WAS IN MY CLASS

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- Author Unknown

He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million.Very neat in appearance, but had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.

Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving - "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!"I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again." I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it. I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it!! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."

At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the "new math," he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third.

One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning, frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another.I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for
teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend."

That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much." No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if
they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experiences in general. There was a lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply says, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last night," he began. "Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is".

Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend."

To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark. I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, "Mark I would give all the
masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me. The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket."They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two wornpieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too
late.

- Unknown Author

A GOOD LIFE IS A MATTER OF EXPECTATION

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Life responds to your outlook. You must expect to succeed, if you want to succeed.

When you expect things to happen, strangely enough, they do happen. Expectation energizes your goals and give them momentum. When you believe something good can happen, it will happen.

Set your goals high. If you begin with some wild expectations you'll succeed beyond your wildest expectations.

The dreams you believe in come to be.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Controlling Your Mind

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Unwanted Thoughts

Negative thoughts exist for most of humanity. When they arise, they can spiral into a deluge of gloomy thoughts or even depression. There are times when it seems impossible to stop thinking of the world's ills or replaying every moment of a bad memory. It's like having a song stuck in your head, only more intense and emotionally draining. Unwanted thoughts that persist can distract you from your life. Luckily, there are ways to consciously release them and to trick your mind into refocusing its attention on more positive subjects.

When unwanted dark thoughts are swirling in your head, it can be difficult to concentrate on anything else. You need to take back your attention and to refocus it. Start by shouting out loud or inside your mind something jarring and to the point, such as "Stop!" or "That's enough!" Any word or phrase is fine, as long as it is momentarily shocking. Doing so may be enough, or you may want to try thought stopping. First, take a few deep breaths, relax, and picture a scene in which you feel comfortable, optimistic, and good about yourself. Note every detail, even if the setting isn't a real place. Next time unwanted thoughts occur, yell "Stop!" and then immediately begin imagining your scene, replacing the unwanted thought with something positive.

Never try to 'think away' an unwanted thought because you will simply strengthen it. It can be helpful to share your unwanted thought with someone, thereby lessening your mind's preoccupation with it. If you're uncomfortable doing so, simply distract yourself when unwanted thoughts begin cycling. Recite the alphabet, tackle some chores, do a puzzle, exercise (which released hormones that may quell unwanted thoughts), or perform a conscious breathing meditation.

It's natural to experience negative thought patterns or even obsess over a memory, but there is no need to let it overwhelm you. It may be difficult at first to replace negative thoughts with positive ones or to concentrate on a puzzle when you can't let go of a thought. Techniques like thought stopping and using other forms of distraction to rid you of unwanted thoughts get easier and easier with time and it really does work.

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This Week's eMeditation

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- by Vic Johnson

"A man's weakness and strength, purity and impurity, are his own and not another man's. They are brought about by himself and not by another; and they can only be altered by himself, never by another. His condition is also his own, and not another man's. His sufferings and his happiness are evolved from within.” - As A Man Thinketh

How often it is we find ourselves attempting to change someone else’s life. Usually it’s someone close to us --- someone we hold near and dear like a spouse, a child or a sibling. Our intentions are generally good and aimed at making life better for someone we care about.

But, oh, how next to impossible it is to control someone else’s life. And so painful!! Wayne Dyer writes that most of our suffering in relationships is tied to the failure of other people to meet our expectations; of them failing to do what we think is right for them (or that satisfies us).

I have been helping my 16-year-old, who will be a high school senior this year, plan for college. My experience and knowledge suggests a path for him that I think best utilizes his talents and gifts. But it is not a path that he wants to pursue – and no amount of persuasion on my part will change that. It is frustrating – and somewhat painful – for me to deal with that. As parents, we always want the best for our children – at least what we think is best.

However, I must allow my son to go down the path he has chosen, with full knowledge that “his condition is his own, and not another man’s.” And that ultimately “his sufferings and his happiness are evolved from within.” While I can offer him advice, my best help will be by becoming the best example I can be of James Allen’s teachings.

We can directly measure our progress down our path by how detached we can become when the direction of another's life conflicts with what we think is best for them. When we can act with the assurance that they must follow their own path just as we must follow ours, we will have taken a great leap in our personal growth.

Should we have high expectations of those who are close to us? Absolutely! As Denis Waitley says, “Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may not get what you want, but in the long run you will get what you expect.” So how do we handle it when others don’t do as we’d like? In the words of Wayne Dyer, “love them for what they choose to be regardless of your opinion about what they choose.”

And that’s worth thinking about.

- Vic Johnson

YOU GAIN STRENGTH OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

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Sooner or later you'll encounter a crisis in your life, and how you meet it will determine your future happiness and success. Since the beginning of time, everyone has been called upon to meet such a crisis.

Close scrutiny will show you that most "crisis situations" are opportunities to either advance or stay where you are. Indeed, most changes in your life will be due to either "inspiration" or "desperation."

Whatever comes your way, give it meaning and transform it into something of value. Personal growth is the process of responding positively to change.

A precious stone cannot be polished without friction, nor humanity perfected without trials.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Root For The Other Team

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Sympathetic Joy

The practices of many spiritual traditions contain antidotes for those emotions that block our ability to feel compassion. Take jealousy, for instance, the green-eyed monster which ever hopes the other person will be diminished, imagining this will free up proportionately more for itself. In Buddhism, the supreme medicine for envy is said to be mudita or "sympathetic joy," which calls on us to feel happy about other people's success. This is easy enough with those we love; but what about those with whom we feel competitive-whose loss would be our gain?

I once witnessed an exchange between a Tibetan lama and a questioner on this subject. "Rinpoche," said a pleasant middle-aged man in a checked sport shirt, "I adore my son and I want him to be happy. He's a linebacker for his high school football team, and I find myself rooting for him to just cream the opposing quarterback. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Of course not," the lama replied equably. "You love your son, and you want his happiness, and he's happy when he beats the other team. This is only natural."

There was an audible sigh of relief in the room: the spiritual path may be challenging, but it's not unreasonable.

The man smiled. "Thank you, Rinpoche," he said, making a quick little folding gesture with his hands.

The lama laughed sharply. "I was only joking!" he said. "Actually, this is not at all the right attitude. In fact," he said, glancing at the man mischievously, "a good practice for you would be to root for the other team. See them winning, see them happy, see their parents overjoyed. That is more the bodhisattva way."

Try it for yourself sometime: Root for the other team. But isn't this the mortal sin of "low self-esteem" or a lack of "competitive spirit?" Not exactly; it's more like metaphysical jujitsu. Rooting for someone else's happiness, we tune to a different wavelength. We feel more beneficent; less deprived, more capable of giving. The focus on another person's satisfaction becomes a lodestone that paradoxically draws us closer to our own. (Isn't most envy just our own potential disowned? Aren't we jealous of what we ourselves might become?) When we take another's viewpoint, we may suddenly feel there's twice as much to go around; not more money or fame or square footage, but what underlies the whole pursuit--more love.

This is reprinted from Field Notes on the Compassionate life by Marc Ian Barasch (published by Rodale.)

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Why it's Impossible to "Forgive and Forget" in Relationships

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– By Susie and Otto Collins

In every relationship you're involved in, it's inevitable that something will happen in the relationship that will cause you to be upset with the other person or the other person will be upset with you. N.o.w, we've all heard the expression "forgive and forget" but we believe that "forgive and forget" doesn't serve you. We believe that in most cases, you really don't forget and here's why.

Have you ever had the feeling that the harder you try to "forget" something, the more you end up focusing on it.

If someone says to you, "Don't think of the color blue" "Don't think of the color blue" "Don't think of the color blue," no matter how hard you try, you probably can't stop visualizing or thinking about the color blue.

The same thing happens when you try to "forget" a negative situation that has an emotional charge to it. No matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to do it.

We believe that instead of forgiving and forgetting, you have to forgive and let go.

Many people write to us wanting to know how they can forgive when they have been wronged--a spouse cheated on them; they've been abused in one way or another; or maybe their feelings have been hurt and they don't feel loved or valued.

What we have found is that the process of healing a relationship requires more than forgiveness. You must also let go.

But let go of what?

In almost all cases when you are having a difficult time forgiving someone, you are holding on to an attachment of some kind or another. The attachments most commonly manifest themselves in the need to be justified, the need to be honored, the need to be right, the need to be vindicated, the desire for revenge, and the inability to move past fear.

So when you are holding onto an attachment, what you are actually doing is holding onto a position which is serving you in some way but it is not moving you forward in healing the relationship.

Eckhart Tolle in "The Power of N.o.w" talks about how to let go of negativity and we think that the same holds true for letting go of attachments -- Tolle's response was "By dropping it. How do you drop a piece of hot coal that you are holding in your hand? How do you drop some heavy and useless baggage that you are carrying? By recognizing that you don't want to suffer the pain or carry the burden anymore and then letting go of it."

Just decide to do it.

Recently Susie and her sister moved their mother from her home of 50 years to an assisted living Alzheimer's facility. Their mother had and continues to have anger, hurt, and resentment toward her daughters and her new situation.

From the time of taking her car away from her, Susie and her sister have been practicing letting go of her anger, while allowing her to feel her feelings. They continually practice forgiving the words of anger that are directed toward them and just send her love.

Susie has been practicing a "Thirty-Nine Day Prayer of Forgiveness" given to her by Shaman Connie Parkinson to help with this situation with her mother. She's used it before to help heal a broken relationship.

H.ere it is--along with an explanation--and we urge you to try it. It really works!

"Every day, for 39 days, all alone and in private, you say the following:

(Name), I thank you for all you have done to me and those I love. I ask your forgiveness for all I have done to you. Let us begin a new relationship.

(Your own name), I love you. You are an exceptionally wonderful and beautiful person and I approve of you.

This prayer is extremely simple, it's extremely hard, it's extremely effective. By thanking the one who has injured you, you are putting yourself a little bit in that person's place, and you are recognizing that everyone is driven by impulses we are not to kn.o.w, and that everything that happens to you is for your growth and your good."

By asking forgiveness for yourself, you are recognizing that you had a part in the relationship. By telling yourself that you love and approve of you, you are renewing strength in the one human being in your life who can truly help you -- yourself.

The 3 is for the triune spiritual effect of will, action, and manifestation. The 9 brings an ending to your grief and anger and resentment against the person. The prayer itself opens you to a new understanding of both yourself and the one who injured you. The only thing you are trying to change is yourself and your emotions. As for the relationship, wait and see. You could be surprised how you'll feel toward this person at the end of 39 days."

About the Authors:

Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and Life Partners and Relationship Coaches who spend their time helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. For more informative and helpful articles on love, relationships and personal growth visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com

YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

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The golden opportunity you are seeking lies within you. It's not in your environment. It's not in luck or chance, or in the help of others. It's all in you.

There are opportunities all around you. If the door of opportunity appears closed, you must knock on it, and keep on knocking on it until it opens.

You must become an opener of doors. You can develop your opportunities by applying persistence to your possibilities.

Success doesn't come to you. You must take action to be successful.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Beyond The Small Self

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Being A Good Global Citizen

It would be difficult to deny that we are in a very challenging time as a planet. Watching or reading the news can be depressing and we may avoid it because we want and need to keep our energy up to attend to our individual lives. While there is nothing wrong with knowing when you need a retreat from the news of the day to restore your energy, when you are restored, remember that the world needs you and your light. The more conscious you are, and the more consciousness is something you seek, the more power you have to change this world for the better.

This is why it is important to stay connected with what is going in the larger world, even when it is difficult and painful, and we feel powerless to help. The truth is that bringing our attention to bear on the iniquities on this earth is akin to bringing light into darkness. We can help just by witnessing and sending out loving energy, and further, there are many concrete, positive actions we can take to heal the suffering of the world.

Being a good global citizen has to do with how we use our energy-where and how we spend our money, how we think and speak and act, and how we spend our time. Have a vision for healing the world and a sense of where you fit into manifesting that vision. And do not hesitate to take action in the direction of that dream. If you haven't already, consider choosing a cause that is in alignment with your vision of a beautiful future and support that cause with any or all of the tools you have-time, money, speech, action.

To keep yourself healthy and vibrant, nurture your connection to a source of energy greater than your small self, knowing that this source will support and heal you as you work to heal the world.

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Practical Ways to Avoid Burnout

and Put Fun Back Into Your Life
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– By Michael L. Stahl

Amazingly, the National Institute of Mental Health in the United States reports that more than 20 million Americans suffer from chronic nervousness, panic attacks and phobias. With the fast pace of modern day society, people seem to have less time and more frustrations - even with all the technology that is supposed to make our lives easier!

H.ere are four practical ways you can use in your everyday life to avoid and overcome burnout:

1. Start your day with the powerful positive input of high-energy music. Everyone enjoys different kinds of music so you need to use what YOU like. Just be sure you start the day listening to the kind of high-energy music that gets you PUMPED! It could be rock and roll or country or jazz or pop or whatever makes you feel GREAT about yourself. It is important to start the day off with positive energy and enthusiasm in order to effectively tackle the challenges that you might encounter. If you put yourself in a good mood before you have to deal with problems you could be facing, it makes the frustration much easier to handle.

It is not always easy to "hit the ground running,” especially at the start of the day, but you will feel better about yourself both personally and professionally. Research has shown that people who use high energy music to start their day and before they face challenging situations have increased productivity by as much as 200%!

2. Do not allow mistakes to ruin you. Do everything you possibly can to fix a problem with a client or associate in order to make them happy. After that, do not dwell on what went wrong, otherwise this can lead to decreased productivity and burnout. If you cannot get over something that went wrong in your life, remember this quote, "Do not blame yourself for past errors. You are no longer the same person who made them and you cannot blame a person who does not exist."

3. Get an "accountability partner" to help you stay focused. You can share with this person your needs, fears and victories. An accountability partner is someone you can trust and feel comfortable enough with to just "be yourself.” You should meet with this person at least once a week to talk about your goals, progress, set-backs and thoughts on your personal and professional life. Your accountability partner keeps you on track and moving forward in all aspects of your development. The friendship and discussion you share with this person will help you to look at things objectively, understand yourself better and be more well-rounded.

NOTE: An accountability partner should be a person other than your spouse or significant other.

4. See the funny side of life - allow yourself to laugh and enjoy life without being serious all the time. Laughter helps ease stress and bring mountains back down to mole hills where they belong. Learn to see humor in difficult situations. A good, hearty laugh is the best stress releaser of all. Give yourself and the people you work with a "laugh-a-day.” Put a "humor board" in your office. Have a designated bulletin board where anyone can post cartoons, jokes or even funny pictures. This gives everyone a chance to ease anxieties.

You can also use what can be called "comic memos." This is where you attach a funny cartoon to the routine, sometimes boring memos or pieces of paperwork that have to be given out. Another idea for easing tension is to choose various people in the office to take turns telling a "joke of the day." The more you laugh, the less you worry and the healthier you feel.

About the Author:

Michael L. Stahl is a professional speaker who has been featured in Entrepreneurial Edge Magazine and appeared on CNN Financial News. He delivers speeches and seminars that help organizations and individuals to 'Focus Your Power' for maximum productivity and well-balanced success. Get F’REE articles and subscribe to his F’REE motivational newsletter at http://www.michaelstahl.com

YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING

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You can have anything on earth that you want, once you mentally accept the fact that you can have it.

If you want to be successful, begin thinking of yourself as successful. The feeling of being successful has to come first. If you have a deep inner conviction that you will always have all that you need, if you actually feel prosperous, it will be so.

The only thing that stands between you and what you want from life is simply the will to pursue it and the faith to believe that it is possible.

Only your mind sets your limits.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Transforming Negative Into Positive

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Tonglen Meditation

Just as pain can grow exponentially, so can compassion and love be inspired in countless others. All it takes is a single individual who chooses to transform negative energy into goodness. One method of doing this is the Buddhist practice of tonglen meditation, wherein you consciously draw suffering into yourself and release positive energy with each focused breath. In the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, it is described as breathing in that which is to be healed and transforming it through the power of your own heart and the heart of Buddha. Then, in breathing out, you project that which was transformed in your heart into the hearts of others.

Earnest tonglen meditation begins when you release yourself from the misconception that it is of utmost importance to push negative things away while drawing good things to yourself. This may take ten or more minutes of meditation to clear the mind of distraction or simply preparing your mind by entering your stillest mental space and imagining your heart becoming free and full of love. Then, inhale with the awareness that you are bringing energy into yourself. Access your reference points for pain and for joy, acknowledge both, and recognize that you have the power to transform one into the other. Exhale with the awareness that you are projecting positive, loving energy throughout not only your immediate environment, but also the world.

Your first reaction to this practice may be that it is counter intuitive and this is a natural reaction. But tonglen revolves around balance, around giving and receiving. You cannot get lost in the negative aspects of the world, because in breathing out, you are a beacon of joy. Similarly, you cannot turn a blind eye to sorrow, because you bear its weight. Tonglen meditation can be practiced on a personal scale or a universal scale, depending on where you perceive immediate need.. It is as simple as breathing and yet, in practicing tonglen, you give the greatest gift you can: the gift of healing.

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Success Breeds Success

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- by Bruno Gideon

Waiting for success to automatically fall into your lap just doesn’t cut it. It only comes to those who are actively engaged in searching for new ideas, new possibilities, or new ways to improve their personal and professional life. And because many people are involved in the same search, we have to work at it a little harder.

Chance knocks at the door more often than we think, but most of the time nobody is home.
– Will Rogers

For true success ask yourself these four questions: “Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?"
– James Allen

Here is an interesting story. It’s about four colleagues: Anybody, Nobody, Somebody, and Everybody.

An important job had to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

None of these sorry souls will ever be successful.

- Bruno Gideon

OPPORTUNITY LIES IN THE MIDST OF DIFFICULTY

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Every problem you encounter has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people
who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity.

You'll find that every situation, properly perceived, offers you an opportunity. As fast as each opportunity presents itself, use it. No matter how tiny an opportunity it may be, use it. You'll discover new directions when you have an open mind and a willing hand.

Successful people didn't achieve their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity presented to them. They developed an opportunity that was at hand.

You must make your own opportunities if you want to be successful. Opportunity is all around you.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Your Life Is Your Art

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Toltec Wisdom

The Toltec wisdom tradition originated in southern Mexico thousands of years ago. It has reemerged in recent years through many teachers, some who consider themselves direct descendents of the ancient Toltecs. This tradition is not considered a religion, but a philosophy accessible to anyone open to its insights.

The Toltec believe that this life is a dream, and that the dream we are having, which we consider reality, is created out of our beliefs and thoughts. Therefore, it is malleable. We can change it by changing our beliefs and thoughts. Deconstructing our current view of reality and understanding how that view forms our experience of reality is the primary work involved on the Toltec path.

For example, if you grew up in a family with a history of depression or repression, the chances are your reality is very influenced by ideas that perpetuate those conditions. Many of the ideas we hold to be truth were passed on to us before we had the capacity to question them and they took hold in our consciousness by default. Once we begin to understand this, we can release thoughts and beliefs that cause suffering, knowing that they are not the truth.

You can begin this journey by examining the set of beliefs under which you currently operate. Notice if any of them make you feel restricted, unhappy, or depressed. This is your intuition telling you that something is not right. Question those beliefs. Trust your innate ability to know the truth when you see it. As we methodically dismantle our belief systems, we begin to experience newfound personal freedom, one of the key tenets of the Toltec Way. It is this freedom that enables us to see that we are artists capable of creating our own lives.

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Keep Your Goals in Sight

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- by Unknown Author

When she looked ahead, Florence Chadwick saw nothing but a solid wall of fog. Her body was numb. She had been swimming for nearly sixteen hours.

Already she was the first woman to swim the English Channel in both directions. Now, at age 34, her goal was to become the first woman to swim from Catalina Island to the California coast. On that Fourth of July morning in 1952, the sea was like an ice bath and the fog was so dense she could hardly see her support boats. Sharks cruised toward her lone figure, only to be driven away by rifle shots. Against the frigid grip of the sea, she struggled on - hour after hour - while millions watched on national television.

Alongside Florence in one of the boats, her mother and her trainer offered encouragement. They told her it wasn't much farther. But all she could see was fog. They urged her not to quit. She never had . . . until then. With only a half mile to go, she asked to be pulled out. Still thawing her chilled body several hours later, she told a reporter, "Look, I'm not excusing myself, but if I could have seen land I might have made it." It was not fatigue or even the cold water that defeated her. It was the fog. She was unable to see her goal.

Two months later, she tried again. This time, despite the same dense fog, she swam with her faith intact and her goal clearly pictured in her mind. She knew that
somewhere behind that fog was land and this time she made it! Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the Catalina Channel, eclipsing the men's record by two hours!

- Unknown Author

YOU'RE THE MASTER OF YOUR FATE

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Nature is at work around you. Character and destiny are her handiwork. She gives you love and hate, jealousy and reverence. You have the power to choose which impulses you will follow.

Your character is formed by your circumstances, but your own desires can do much to shape those circumstances. What's really ennobling in the doctrine of free will
is the conviction that you have the power over the formation of your own character.

You can at any time decide to alter the course of your life. No one can ever take that away from you. You're the master or your joys and sorrows. The greatest power you possess is the power to choose.

You're the captain of your soul.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Clarification Through Reflection

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Examining Priorities

There are many sources of strife that are intertwined with simply existing in the modern world today. We feel burdened with too many physical possessions or deprived without them, and there are so many reasons to worry. Following are some exercises you can try to help bring clarification into your life regarding what is really important to you.

Ask yourself what you would take with you if you were informed that you had five minutes to leave your home. At that moment, it is likely that what seemed tremendously important just moments before - the bills, a broken appliance, or the laundry pile - would be flushed from your mind. Many people would rush to grab a treasured photo album, a favorite ring, or a journal. Who would you want by your side? Family? Loved ones? A pet? Your answer to these questions are a window into what is important to you and what and who you should focus on. Maybe doing the laundry can wait while you call a friend or spend some time doing something you really enjoy.

Now ask yourself what would be important to you if you found yourself taking your last breaths. Would you worry more about unwritten reports or an unsaid "I love you"? What would you rush to accomplish and what loose ends would you tie up? There might be a dream you'd lament never having chased or someone you wished you'd forgiven. Your answers to this question can help you determine how you truly wish to be spending your time on this earth. You might consider tying up that loose end or following your soul's purpose now, rather than later.

Choosing to change your life, to embrace new priorities of your own design, even on a small scale, can be the most rewarding thing you'll ever do. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. Rather, they are a means to help you better understand how you can lead the life most fulfilling to you.


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Your Life Is Your Story

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- by Tom Gilbert

"Dad, can you wait for me to take your walk?"

My seven year-old son was looking up at me expectantly. His eyebrows were arched over his brown eyes and his close-cropped hair was sticking up in three different directions.

"Can ya, Dad? Just fifteen minutes."

I looked away from my e-mail and smiled at Eric. "Sure, but hurry up and get your homework done. You need to do good on your spelling test".

"I know! I will." He shuffled off to his room and I wondered again at how my parents' voice comes out of my mouth.

About twenty minutes later he is finally done writing out those words and I grab my hat and sunglasses and head for the door. He's hurrying behind, but just as I get to the screen door he calls out.

"Wait! I need to bring along my flag!"

I pause and murmur, "ok", and wait on the sidewalk leading from the front door. Eric comes running back holding his checkered race flag.

As we head across the front lawn and towards the break in the wall that leads to the path around the floodplain I find myself smiling at the colorful New Mexico spring sky. Blue, grey and white spread out in a mixture of thin stratus and billowing thunderheads. The Sandia Mountains tower majestically, as always. We start a brisk walk, bent into the wind that is blowing strong enough to give Eric a challenge in holding onto his waving flag.

"Hey, Dad! Are these staples stronger than regular ones". He's pointing at the staples his Mom recently used to attach, again, the flag to the wooden stick.

I examine them more closely. "Yes, I think so, son."

"Good", he grins. "I wouldn't want it to come off!" With newfound confidence he waves the flag back and forth as we trudge down the dirt path pass backyard walls and on to the hill that rises to the top of a gravelly access road. It is really built for foot traffic and bikes, but occasionally a city truck will travel it. Not to mention dogs and horses.

More than once I will steer Eric out of the way of droppings.

We come to a steep incline and slowly climb past the big boulders to the top. We both are breathing harder. At the top of the road we have a quarter mile or so to the other side of the floodplain and the wind is strongest here. I have to steady my hat a couple of times and my son's flag is going great guns. Eric wonders why I walk so fast. I'm wondering why I have to slow down so much. No worries, it is good to be together, father and son time.

Why I don't spend more time doing this? crosses my mind. Usually my walks are a quiet time for me while still getting a cardiovascular workout.

Yesterday after work I walked and refused to let Eric come along, as he wasn't done with chores or homework. He can delay more than any wily Washington Senator on a full-blown filibuster. He cried and wailed that it wasn't fair, but he obviously held onto the promise that he could accompany me today if he did his work first.

Questions come frequently and they are often mixed with his odd comments. "Why are there so many trees down there? That's a baby tree. Who cut down those weeds? Look, that weed is bigger than me! How come nobody cuts that one down?"

My best answers aren't sufficient. Sometimes I just nod, or say I don't know, or comment how that's interesting. Is God like this, too? We ask our silly questions or make our silly human comments, because we don't know better and God just smiles and nods?

The weather is warm and dry and along with blowing dust are moths and other flying insects. Eric waves his flag like a swatter and I have to use my hands to keep them away from my face. Starting to work up a sweat now. My breathing is a bit heavier, yet my heart is full towards bursting at this pleasant time together, marveling at the beauty of Albuquerque. As beads of sweat appear on my forehead a smile creases my lips. As much as I enjoy solitary walks, having my little companion today is special.

Can you look at life through the eyes of a child? Have you tried it lately? Kids are much better at being "in the now". No big concerns about tomorrow, certainly no stress over getting a big work project done for the boss or finding a way to make the mortgage payment. Plenty of time for that later in life.

The gift for us, the one I received on this walk, is that we can set those concerns aside. At least for a little while. Get outside, get some exercise, and be like a child. Some people say once you've lost your innocence you can't get it back. I disagree. It's there, waiting for you to discover it. My son gave it back to me.

"Hey Dad, wanna race to that tree? Come on! It'll be fun!" "Ok, son. Ready...set...go!!"

Laughing, wheezing and grinning like maniacs, we both arrive at the tree at the same time. Well, ok, I let him get there a second or two before me.

"Wow, Eric. You sure run fast". We put our arms around each other and head home.

About the Author:

Tom Gilbert is a writer and personal historian. His web site, www.your-life-your-story.com, is dedicated to helping others tell their life story. You can contact Tom at tom@your-life-your-story.com

REALITY IS SOMETHING YOU RISE ABOVE

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Courage is a special kind of knowledge. It's the knowledge of how to fear what should be feared and how not to fear what should not be feared.

A brave mind is always impregnable. True courage is the result of reasoning. You're more important than your problems. You're bigger than anything that can happen to you.

Great things are accomplished when you believe that what's inside of you is superior to your circumstances. What you have outside you counts less than what you have inside you.

Nothing external to you has power over you.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Washing Away

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Bathing And Cleansing Rituals

Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but bathing is about so much more than cleansing. Our connection with water is therapeutic and spiritual. In our fast-paced, busy, modern world a quick shower is often the preferred method of cleansing. Yet, many cultures still celebrate and honor the vital life force of water with rituals of cleansing. Communal bathing is a common social custom in many parts of world, from the public bath houses of Japan to ritual outdoor cleansing in lakes and rivers in India. Communal bathing offers a time for bonding. Cleansed and relaxed, freed from the restrictions of clothing, bathing together allows for open interactions. Which may attest to the popularity of "soaks" in natural hot springs everywhere.

Water plays an important role in many spiritual practices. Symbolically it cleanses the soul, as in baptism, whether the ceremony involves a mere sprinkling or a full immersion in water. The mikveh marks the end of a Jewish woman's menstrual cycle with a gathering at a place of "living waters," a natural body of water such as the ocean, a stream, a cistern of rainwater or a modern pool combined with tap water. In many cultures, water is so sacred that it is the focus of holidays. The Burmese New Year is celebrated with a water festival in which everyone pours water on each other to wash off the misdeeds of the past.

We can all engage in rituals of cleansing, whatever our culture and/or spiritual beliefs. Prepare your bathroom with scented candles or incense, natural soap and oils. A scrub of sea salt and honey or dry brushing exfoliates the skin and a preliminary wash will leave you clean and ready for a long soak in relaxing warm water. Try to let go of all thoughts while bathing, focusing on the cleansing you engage in and the sensation of the water. Bless your bath, bless yourself. At the end of your bath, pour clean, clear water over your head or shoulders and imagine you are washing away your fears and difficulties. You are now clean, mind body and spirit ready to begin anew.

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Build Unshakable Self-Confidence

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- by Brian Tracy

Identify Your Biggest Dream

A young woman wrote to me recently, telling me that her whole life had taken a different turn since she heard me ask the question, “What one great thing would you dare to dream if you knew you could not fail?”

She wrote that, up to that time, this was a question she had never even dared to consider, but now, she thought of nothing else. She had realized, in a great, blinding flash of clarity, that the main thing separating her from her hopes and dreams was the belief in her ability to achieve them.

Most of us are like this for most of our lives. There are many things that we want to be, and have and do, but we hold back. We are unsure because we lack the confidence necessary to step out in faith in the direction of our dreams.

Determine What You Really Want

Just think: What difference would it make in your life if you had an absolutely unshakable confidence in your ability to achieve anything you really put your mind to? What would you want and wish and hope for? What would you dare to dream if you believed in yourself with such deep conviction that you had no fears of failure whatsoever?

Be True To Yourself

The key is to be true to yourself, to be true to the very best that is in you, and to live your life consistent with your highest values and aspirations.

Take some time to think about who you are and what you believe in and what is important to you. Decide that you will never compromise your integrity by trying to be or say or feel something that is not true for you.

Have the courage to accept yourself as you really are-not as you might be, or as someone else thinks you should be-and know that, taking everything into consideration, you are a pretty good person.

Make A Plan To Achieve It

Being true to yourself means knowing exactly what you want and having a plan to achieve it. Lasting self-confidence comes when you absolutely know that you have the capacity to get from where you are to wherever you want to go. You are behind the wheel of your life. You are the architect of your destiny and the master of your fate.

Use the "Act As If" Principle

Act as though it were impossible to fail. Act as though you already had a high level of self-confidence. And continually ask yourself, “What one great thing would I dare to dream if I knew I could not fail?” Whatever your answer, you can have it if you can dream it, and if you have the self-confidence to go out and get it.

Action Exercises

First, resolve to step out in faith in the direction of your dreams; just do it!

Second, ask yourself, “What one great thing would I dare to dream if I knew I could not fail?”

Third, be true to yourself, to the very best that is in you. Never compromise!

- Brian Tracy

YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE FOR SUCCESS

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Everything you want in life has a price connected to it. There's a price to pay if you want to make things better; a price to pay for just leaving things as they are, a price for everything.

Nature cannot be tricked or cheated. She will give up to you the object of your struggles only after you have paid her price.

Success cannot be coaxed or bribed. Pay the price and it will be yours. The universe is run with far too tight a rein for luck to interfere. Fortune sells her wares, she never gives them up freely. In some form or another, you'll pay for her favors, or you'll go away empty handed.

Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. There is no success at bargain basement prices.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Going Native

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Native Plant Gardening

The beauty of a meadow of wildflowers and flowing native grasses rival that of any manicured lawn with trimmed hedges. Gardeners everywhere are bringing wilderness a little closer to home by landscaping with native plants. Native gardening, which is cultivating plants indigenous to the region where we live, is gaining popularity everywhere.

By choosing to grow native plants in our gardens, we give a gift back to nature. Growing natives helps to restore the natural biodiversity of our environment. We bring back the natural plants that native species of insects, birds, and other wildlife are dependent upon for food and shelter. Most native plants are satisfied with just the natural rainfall of their area, thus requiring little, if any, supplemental irrigation. And, because they are adapted to the climatic conditions of their growing area, they are the best plants to grow organically. Having evolved over thousands of years, native plants are better able to withstand pests and disease than non-native ornamental plants. They also grow more slowly and therefore require less pruning and dividing. With the need for less watering and pruning, little or no fertilizers and pesticides, a native plant garden is a low maintenance garden, giving us more time to enjoy the natural beauty of our area. We are also better able to be in touch with the seasons as native plants bloom and fade as nature intended. And, growing native plants practically guarantees that our gardening efforts will be successful since they are the plants most suited to our gardens.

Going native is a way of educating ourselves about our region and the natural cycles of the area we live in. We discover the diversity of indigenous plants, their colors, shapes, and scents. We learn about flowers and foliage, shrubs and trees that we might have disregarded before. We can even plant native healing herbs, providing natural remedies to have on hand. Beautiful, natural plants in a good for the environment garden that is easy to maintain makes going native a good choice for all.

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Five Ways to Be More Encouraging

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– By Kevin Eikenberry

We all need encouragement. Even the most callous, hard headed self made person needs encouragement to stay on track and move forward. This isn’t news – it is something we all know.

Unfortunately many times we don’t take action on what we know.

We can change our habits about encouragement – we can choose to become a more encouraging person. This will have a positive impact on our results and satisfaction in a variety of roles we play in life – from leader to co-worker to team member to parent to family member.

Below are five specific ways that you can become more encouraging starting as soon as you finish reading this article.

Encourage with your eyes.

Don’t underestimate the importance and value of solid eye contact. Think about the people you know who always seem to make good eye contact with you. How do you feel about them? Do you feel that they support and believe in you? Do they seem to care more? This is a glimpse at how powerful good solid eye contact can be. Perhaps these people haven’t said anything to give you encouragement, but their presence and eye contact show you anyway. Use your eyes to be encouraging – make eye contact with people.

Encourage with your face.

This is perhaps the easiest of all. Smile. A smile is a powerful encourager. It tells people that they are ok. It tells people that what they are doing is ok. For some people smiling comes naturally while others need to be more conscious to smile. You know which you are. Either way there are probably more opportunities and more situations where you can flash your pearly whites. Smile. You will be encouraging when you do and you will feel better yourself.

Encourage with your lips.

Of course we can say encouraging things. In fact, when you started reading this list, I’ll bet you expected the whole list to be things to say or situations in which to say them. We all know how to be encouraging with our words. So do it. Be supportive. Give people specific comments and encouragement on who they are and what they are doing. Let them know that they matter. Let them know how their work adds value. Encourage with your lips.

Encourage with your feet.

Encouragement can come in the form of being there. Sit in on the meeting someone asks you to attend, even if you know they can handle it. Go to the ball game. Your presence and attention can be powerful encouragers and motivators. Be aware that your actions in themselves can be encouraging, so act accordingly. First you must be there, and then you must behave in encouraging ways.

Encourage with your head.

If all you see is what people are doing wrong, it is hard to be encouraging. The biggest barrier some of us have to overcome to become more encouraging is in our head – we aren’t looking for and therefore seeing the right things. We must focus on and look for the positive things. Look for the good. Then use your feet, lips, face and eyes to communicate those encouraging messages.

Ok, it is your turn.

Get up from your chair now. Pick one of these approaches and practice it right now.

Write these five things down on an index card and carry it with you for the next three weeks. Refer to the card often as a reminder to continue to use these approaches to becoming more encouraging.

You will be amazed at the new results you will see in those around you and in your life as well. You can do it – you can make this choice.

About the Author:

Kevin is Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group(http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. To receive your free special report on “Unleashing Your Potential” go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/index.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.

STAY REALISTIC ON THE ROAD TO SUCCESS

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The truth is what it is. It's neither good nor bad. It's simple reality. Tailor your concepts to fit reality, instead of trying to stuff reality into your concepts. No matter what you believe, it won't change the facts.

If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true is really true, there would be little hope of advancement in the world.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

Successful people are realistic and aren't trapped by false appearances. See the world as it is.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Forgiving Yourself

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Releasing Guilt

We all know what it feels like to feel guilty about something and many of us struggle with feeling guilty all the time. Guilt makes us feel that we are somehow unforgivable. While this experience is common, it is detrimental to our overall wellbeing. Feeling guilty generally promotes a sense of powerlessness-an anguished agonizing over a past action that cannot be changed. The problem with this is that it doesn't inspire us to forgive ourselves, make amends for mistakes, and move forward free of emotional baggage.

Originally, guilt referred to the fine paid for proven wrongdoing. Once you made the payment, in time or money, for what you had done, you were free-free of the sentence and free of the guilt. The problem with guilt as it is often experienced now is that it becomes a permanent state of mind for some people. In this case, it is a neurotic preoccupation rather than a fair assessment of wrongdoing followed by a course of action that leads to reparation.

It is part of the human experience to make mistakes and hurt others. There is no way to avoid this entirely, and wallowing in guilt will not help you or anyone else. It will not prevent future suffering. Understanding this is the first step towards liberating yourself from guilt.

If you are hanging onto guilt about something, the first thing you need to do is practice compassion for yourself; you are human and you make mistakes. Compassion and self-forgiveness are much more effective than guilt in helping you determine a course of effective action. You may need to make an apology, or you may need to make some changes in yourself. Know that with each action you create healing for yourself and anyone you have hurt. Finally, learn from your mistakes, but never beat yourself up. Know that you are inherently good, love yourself, and always do your best. Then there will be no place for guilt in your life.

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The Top 10 Assumptions That Kill Success

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– By Jim M. Allen

I've discovered that people have this knack for making assumptions about their lives and their goals that are just incredibly, wildly wrong. Worse, these assumptions aren't just incorrect, they are deflating and deadly to the success they seek.

I've also found that when people put these assumptions aside and get focused on the truth, they begin making progress quite quickly.

Below are the top 10 assumptions I've run across. Consider this a "most-wanted" list of killer assumptions to try and avoid:

1. I know exactly what's going on

Uh-oh, look out!

When you catch yourself believing this assumption, then it's definitely time to stop and ask some questions.

All too often it is the moment when we believe we see everything that we actually have the smallest field of vision.

Re-check all facts, get more information, be open to the possibility that an important item might be missing, and THEN proceed.

2. I have a foolproof plan

Foolproof? No plan is foolproof. If you're really lucky, you might come up with one that's fool resistant...

Examine as many WHAT-IFs as possible, plan for worst-case scenarios, and then some (i.e., have alternate plans ready).

3. I don't need (or can't get) help

A second opinion, a spare set of hands, and a fresh perspective seldom go amiss. And they are much easier to find that you think.

Ask those close to you for their input. If necessary, visit your local library, college, or Yellow Pages for other ideas.

4. I don't have the education

Look, ideas put into action create success, not diplomas! This is just an excuse, not a real reason to not get started.

There are plenty of ways to get the education you need for any project. Formal education is, perhaps surprisingly, really not necessary for manyof the things one wants to do, so don't overlook nontraditional avenues (apprenticeships, mentoring, etc.)

5. I don't have the money

Maybe you don't RIGHT NOW, but that doesn't mean you can't have it in the future. Focus on how you can save, earn, or borrow what you need.

6. I don't have the time

Actually, you have all the time in the world.

You may need to reschedule some things, change priorities, or stop doing other activities, but you'll never have as much time to do the things you want to do as you have RIGHT NOW.

7. I am too old (or, I am not old enough)

If you're old enough to worry about not being old enough, then you're probably old enough.

And you're only too old when you're dead. Until then, you're the perfect age to make your dreams come true!

8. I am being unrealistic

Most of the great successes in history were thought to be sill, unrealistic dreams. Luckily, the people behind those ideas pressed on, just as you would be wise to do.

Be bold, dream big. BIG!

Let the critics debate whether your idea is realistic or not... while you make it happen.

9. I don't deserve to be successful

Really? Why not? Anyway, if you make it happen, you deserve it.

10. Nobody understands what I am trying to do

The world is a big place filled with a lot of wonderful people who are struggling to make their own dreams a reality. Get to know them. Listen to their ideas, their dreams, and share yours with them.

Soon you'll discover that you have more supporters than you count!

About the Author:

This piece was originally submitted by Jim M. Allen, The Big Idea Coach, who can be reached at JimAllen@CoachJim.com, or visited on the Web at http://www.mynewattitude.com/. Jim M. Allen, The Big Idea Coach wants you to know: Get more ideas to help make your ideas real, visit my self-help website, MyNewAttitude.com or read THE BIG IDEA blog at: http://bigidea.typepad.com/bigidea

YOU ARE WHAT YOU REPEATEDLY DO

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First you make your habits, and then your habits make you. You become a slave to your constantly repeated acts. What at first you choose, at last compels.

Your habits are either the best of servants or the worst of masters. Your thoughts lead you on to a purpose, your purposes go forth in action.

Your actions form your habits. Your habits determine your character, and your character fixes your destiny.

Once in motion, a pattern stays in motion.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Nurturing Growth

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Spiritual Parenting

A parent's job is to prepare their child for life. One of the best gifts to give your child then, is a sense of their spiritual self. Nurturing a love and appreciation of themselves and their relation to the universe at large will serve them well as they travel through life, especially when the road gets rocky, as it often does. Show them love, instill compassion, teach them acceptance, encourage an open mind so they may discover the divine within.

It begins with love, of course. Make sure your child always feels loved through words and touch. Allow for lots of cuddling and kisses and continue hugs and loving touches even as children become aloof adolescents. Encourage your child to be loving also, not just towards family and friends, but towards everyone. Let them know that they are connected to everything; humans, animals, the earth, and the stars. People who understand that we are all one are more empathetic and less likely to hate and hurt. Instill a sense of responsibility and ownership so that children may be good stewards of the earth and value life. Teach your children to be grateful. Let them know that a rainbow is as much of a gift as a toy. Encourage them to express thanks for every small favor and even to see the blessings in life's challenges. The hard knocks are easier to take when we can change our outlook. Inspire self discipline through a spiritual practice in the form of yoga, martial arts, prayer, meditation, music, or the arts. Learning to focus and ground oneself is the best way of connecting to the divine and getting to know oneself. Children with a strong sense of themselves are better able to make wise choices, connect with others in a positive way, and to avoid destructive behavior. Communicate constantly with your children, perhaps starting the ritual of council once per week.

Also, allow your child to fail. Let your child know that we become better people when we learn from our mistakes and that no one is perfect, including you. Just be there when they fall, then encourage them to get up and fly.

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Warning signs

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- By Bruno Gideon

We have lots of different names for them – our gut instinct, our inner voice, wisdom from above, ESP – but they may all be categorized under the heading of warning signs: messages to us that something is not quite right, that we should take some time to reconsider a situation, that we should avoid getting involved with certain people, projects, or investments. Most people say that their warning signs are accurate. How do they know that? Because every time they have ignored them, they have lived to regret it!

To see things in the seed, that is genius.
- Lao-Tzu

Always hold your head up,
but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.
- Max L. Forman

The number one reason we ignore warning signs is that heeding them would require us to go against our own desires. We want to get rich quick, so we ignore the warning signs that an investment is not sound. We don’t want a romantic spell we’re in to be broken, so we suppress our instincts about the character of the person we love. We can just taste the success that’s going to come with a new job, so we look past the evidence that the company is on shaky ground.

Here, then, is a personal policy that we would do well to adopt: to listen the hardest to whatever it is we most don’t want to hear!

- Bruno Gideon

RICHES LIE WITHIN YOU, NOT IN YOUR MATERIAL POSSESSIONS

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Wealth without enjoyment is little consolation. Your real riches in life are riches of the head and heart. Satisfaction comes when you appreciate what you have.

While success is getting what you want, true happiness is wanting what you get.

It's not how much you have, but how much you enjoy that truly matters.

©2005 by Max Steingart

Seat Of Life

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The Second Chakra

When we have gained a deep understanding of the body and soul, there often follows a desire to reach out, to grow, and to change. In the Vedic texts, the second chakra, the energy center between the navel and genitals, is the seat of life and the house of change. It is a point where opposites come together in sympathy, guiding us toward a balanced existence. The choices that help us evolve are often a product of the second chakra, which, when charged with neither too little nor too much energy, rejects rigid control and embraces creativity. Associated with taste and sensuality, the second chakra or Svadhisthana (which means sweetness) can be visualized as a brilliant sunset orange. Like its element, water, the second chakra is ruled by the moon.

A weakness or imbalance in the second chakra can lead to feelings of extreme empathy, which can cause you to be ruled by the emotions of others. To fail to focus on this chakra leads to the opposite: an utter lack of emotion and dwindling passions. A balanced second chakra embraces both sides of everything, giving you a healthy understanding of your emotions as well as those of others. Nurturing it through dance, laughter, and pleasurable movement will help you embrace your own sexuality, which is the main aspect of the chakra. Stimulation of the second chakra can be achieved through the use of orris root, gardenia, or damiana incense; practicing tantra yoga; or exposing the chakra to moonstone or coral. These methods of opening and energizing the chakra can be performed individually or in tandem for greater effect.

The second chakra may appear a route to indulgence to some, because of its focus on the feelings of the body, but it is also the dwelling place of the self. A fully functioning second chakra, working in a balanced way with the body’s other chakras, is a source of self-knowledge and understanding.


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