Healthy Selfishness
Some of us give because we can't not give. It's our way of getting by in the world. At least if I give, the thinking goes, others will like me. Better yet, they may even come to need me. Then I won't be so alone in the world. Giving becomes a kind of barter to belong-a bid for love, rather than an expression of it. This kind of giving does not allow for selfishness of any kind, and yet it is excessively selfish. Anyone who has ever been in relationship with someone who has played the martyr role knows how selfish giving can be.
Buddhism encourages us to discover selfishness, while Christianity admonishes us to "die to self". Yet, not until we've developed a fundamental self of self is it appropriate to surrender in this way. Not until we've experienced how delicious and enjoyable healthy selfishness can be, do we actually have something to present as an offering. Years ago, at one of her lectures here in Los Angeles, I remember Marianne Williamson saying, "You have to actually have an ego before you can give it up."
"Healthy selfishness" means you know your limits, and you set them. It means you prioritize self-care over caring for others. It insists that you communicate your feelings, even when your feelings are inconvenient to others. It includes the ability to rest when tired, and to ask for what you want and need, when you want and need it. It is the healthy expression of entitlement.
When we are authentic with ourselves by setting our limits, honoring our feelings, prioritizing our own well-being, and clearly defining our wants and needs, we identify the path we are on, making it much easier for the blessings of life to come to us. Because, as Henry Kissinger once said, 'If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.'
This is reprinted from Calling In The One: 7 Weeks To Attracting The Love Of Your Life by Katherine Woodward Thomas
For more information visit Callingintheone.com
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