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– By Sheila Murray Bethel
Eddie Murphy did it in Coming to America, Jeremy Irons did it in Dead Ringer and Hayley Mills did it in The Parent Trap. They all played dual roles and met themselves coming and going. But without movie magic, the rest of us are stuck in one body. Faced with competing demands for your time and attention, you have to make hard choices about balancing your personal life and the demands of your work.
The myth of "have it all, do it all" has been pretty much discredited, but the conflicts remain. How can you balance the intense demands of career, family, community, and self without disintegrating into a puddle of mush?
Here are some ideas that have worked for others. Give them a try and see how they fit into your lifestyle.
1. Be where you are.
Guilt and indecision are enormous time and energy wasters. If you're one place and feel you should be another, neither gets your full attention, and both suffer. You might as well be home in bed under the covers for all the good you do. Commit to what you're doing now 100 percent, knowing that when you're elsewhere, you'll be equally committed and intense.
There's an old saying, "Whether you are kissing your beloved or serving a customer, concentrate on what you're doing for best results."
2. Set your own priorities.
Just because you could do something doesn't mean you should do it. You don't have to rise to every challenge like a fish leaping for a shiny lure. Notice when you are being diverted from your goal or task.
If you find yourself torn between priorities, take five minutes and start this exercise. Write "My Philosophy of Life" on a small index card and "My Philosophy of Business" on another. Then fill in your beliefs, commitments and values. Index cards force you to express yourself succinctly in the small space available. Also, you can carry these cards in your wallet, reviewing and adding to them often. The more you reaffirm the "who, what and why" aspects of your life, the less likely you are to let people and circumstances pull you off course.
3. Negotiate.
Inevitably, you'll find yourself having to make tough choices because you need to be in two (or more) places at the same time. Here are some things to try. Delegate if possible. If not, explain and negotiate. Suppose you are scheduled to make an important speech in Hong Kong on the day your child is in the school play. Can you switch either date? Can you pre-tape your presentation or do it via a live hookup? Can the date be changed? Can someone else do it? If the answer to all three is no, can you arrange to videotape the school play and have a follow up party for family and friends with a jumbo-screen TV? Be creative! When you must say "no" in one
area, set a time in the immediate future to fulfill that commitment. Then keep your word!
4. Accept that the extraordinary is normal.
There's no such thing as a normal schedule. In fact, three days in a row without a crisis would be distinctly abnormal. Just when you think you've got everything neatly under control, something will change and you'll need to find new answers. Instead of going into a tailspin, incorporate a disaster buffer into your schedule, having a backup Plan B. Illness, school closures, traffic jams, mechanical breakdowns, even satellite failures are simply givens in the 21st century. Don't squander a second of your precious energy on frustration, complaint or regret. A little advance planning will help you move automatically into your problem-solving mode.
5. Consider your private life a career.
Book time for personal growth, R&R, dating and courtship, and family. If you live alone, set aside time with friends and relatives, and make appointments with yourself for personal growth time. If you live in a family unit, schedule specific times with each member of the family team when you can be together exclusively. At least one hour set aside is better than a few minutes hëre and there. Use this hour as a time of togetherness and mutual sharing.
Use an oversized calendar to record four kinds of family time: (a) your special appointments with family members; (b) major vacatïons; (c) quick get-aways, two- or three-day mini-vacatïons; and (d) priority and "make up" days.
Post this calendar in the kitchen or family room for everyone to see. Hold family meetings at which everyone is scheduled to offer a gripe and brag. Other team members can offer sympathy, support and praise.
Keep a file folder for notes about small and medium things that come up when you're apart that will need discussion or decisions. Set aside an hour or half-hour once a week to go through the file together, discussing and making decisions. (In my household it's called the Friday File, and we allocate a half hour.) Such a file clears your mind and schedule of clutter, and the time limit promotes efficiency. Any job will expand to fill the time available.
People tend to let debates about little things go on and on, dominating their personal time. By using the file method, you can frëe up everyone's time for pleasurable interaction or more effective handling of the big issues.
There's no such thing as perfect balance, but your everyday effort will keep you on track, and the results will be worth the effort. Norman Vincent Peale said, "I never heard of anyone on their death bed who regretted they hadn't spent more time at the office." Integrating your business and family careers may be the most difficult job you'll ever do. It's also the most rewarding.
Achieving a balance between self-sacrifice and self-fulfillment takes constant hard work, courage, commitment and ingenuity. You won't always succeed, but the results, when you do, are called a rich, fulfilling life.
Copyright© 2002, Sheila Murray.Bethel. All right reserved. For information contact Frog Pond at 800.704.FROG(3764) or email susie@frogpond.com.
About the Author:
Sheila Murray Bethel is a best-selling author, television personality and globally acclaimed professional speaker. Sheila's expertise is Change, Leadership, and Personal Excellence. She is the author of the best-selling book, Making A Difference: 12 Qualities That Make You a Leader, host of the new Public Television Specials, “Making A Difference,” and business woman. For information about Sheila’s Leadership Seminars and Workshops, contact the Frog Pond at 800.704.FROG(3764) or email susie@frogpond.com
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