Coping Statements

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– By Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D.

Learning how to manage your feelings and behaviors takes work and practice. However, one simple way to get started is to develop "coping statements" to counter upsetting thoughts. Coping statements are somewhat like affirmations, but they are not necessarily positive ideas. Rather, they are realistic or reality based. Coping statements are usually challenges to specific upsetting thoughts, although you can use them any time.

The idea hëre is to stop yourself whenever you feel upset, anxious, worried, depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and so on. You can also use undesired urges or behavior, like procrastination, smokïng, drinking or drugging, as a cue to start the process. Catch yourself, then try to observe what thoughts are running through your mind. Take a sheet of paper and divide it in half vertically. On the left side of the sheet, write out whatever thoughts you have observed.

Once you have identified the offending thoughts, just try changing them. As you get into this more, you will probably want to learn how to dispute or evaluate your thoughts on several levels, but the simple förm of this exercise is to change the thoughts in any way that helps you feel or behave differently. Keep trying different alternatives until you find one that works for you. Hëre are some examples to help you get started:

1. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to fail.

Realistic Alternative: I'll probably do all right, but even if I don't, it's not the end of the world.

2. Upsetting Thought: I can't stand it.

Realistic Alternative: I don't like it, but I can stand it.

3. Upsetting Thought: I'll nevër amount to anything.

Realistic Alternative: It may be difficult, but if I try, I can accomplish a lot.

4. Upsetting Thought: That's awful.

Realistic Alternative: It's bad, but it could be much worse.

5. Upsetting Thought: I must be a loser because this person doesn't like me.

Realistic Alternative: I want to be liked, but not everyone will like me.

6. Upsetting Thought: I need love.

Realistic Alternative: I want love, but I can live without it.

7. Upsetting Thought: That S.O. B.!

Realistic Alternative: I don't like some of his actions, but he is not all bad.

8. Upsetting Thought: I'm not in the mood to do that.

Realistic Alternative: Tough! If I want the advantages of doing this, I had better go ahead and get it out of the way.

9. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to get fired.

Realistic Alternative: I might be fired, but probably won't be. Being fired would be a setback, but I can deal with it.

10. Upsetting Thought: I need a drink.

Realistic Alternative: I want a drink, but I don't need it. I might feel better nöw, but I'll regret it tomorrow.

Hopefully, you get the idea. Try it! I think you will like the results. Not only will you feel better, but you will probably find that you have a lot more energy to put into solving the real problems in your life, not just wasting energy on getting needlessly upset.

Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D. © 2002. All rights reserved.

About the Author:

Dr. Rob Sarmiento is a licensed psychologist in practice since 1976 in Houston, Texas. He has developed a powerful Psychology Self-Help Website with tools, articles and information about his consulting services. He provides consulting services for mental health, human resources, lëgal and business professionals. You can visit his website at http://www.cyberpsych.com